A somewhat scattered collection of notes, thoughts and ideas

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Figs on a Sunday

This time last week, I was in Greece. It was about 35C and I was having breakfast on the balcony, a stone's throw or two away from the sea. The title is relevant, because figs were part of my amazing breakfast that day.

It was also my last day of holiday. Sadly though, instead of being sad that my holiday was over, I was instead keen to get back (to England!) because there was someone special I couldn't wait to see again.

Naturally I was looking forward to seeing my mum and my friends again too, but this someone special was new on the scene, having met him and had a connection to him that I genuinely hadn't felt  in at least 3 and a half years. Isn't it horrible how the people you put the most faith into, turn out to be the ones who weren't worth the bother in the first place? Why does life work out that way?

Now, I consider myself to be a very positive person and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt (even if I'm then disappointed), but this person took my faith to a whole new level. I've never met anyone like him. Someone who seemed so genuinely lovely, who was polite, happy, friendly, and dare I say it, even gentlemanly. It made me believe that I had found someone I was willing to break my singledom pact for (I decided after 2 long term relationships lasting a total on and off of 5 years, that I wouldn't jump back in to anything with someone new unless I was certain it could work). Not to mention, I finally found the answer to 'so what are you looking for?', the most annoying question there is in online dating, for me at least, because I never knew how to put into words what I wanted to find.

And then I found it. I found someone who I didn't feel awkward with, who I could have an actual conversation with, who seemed to be sweet, caring, loving, and best of all, he seemed to like me back too. We had two official dates, but saw each other 5 times in total, each time was more enthusiastic and lovelier than the last if that's even possible. Our first date lasted 8 hours and both of us were reluctant to let it end (even at nearly 3am!). I know what you're thinking - did I put out too soon, and he got his kicks and did a runner? The answer is no. Over the course of the 2 weeks we'd been speaking and seen each other 5 times, the most we did was kiss, and discuss going to Paris together (too soon? Maybe, but it wasn't my suggestion, it was his). We started telling people at work about each other, and were even given suggestions of what to go and see in Paris, (aside from Disneyland which was already on the list because neither of us have ever been to Disney).

Anyway, enough about how amazing and wonderful I believed and was given the impression this person was. 3 days before I left for my holiday to Greece, I had a message, apologising that he couldn't make it, because he had to run out for a family matter (I'm not going to disclose this). It was fair enough, and he said he'd talk to me later that day, and expressed a wish for us to still see each other before I went to Greece. I replied, saying, of course, I understand and not to worry, and yes definitely try to see each other before I go to Greece. He read the message, but I wasn't expecting a reply because he'd already said he was out. That was on 13th August, and I haven't heard anything from him since.

Naturally I sent a message the next day to try and arrange to meet before Greece. I also sent a message a bit later to see if everything was ok after his message the day before, and a third message to say yay, I'd manage to get the time off for Paris (which he told me he'd already booked off).

Nothing. WhatsApp wasn't even showing the messages as 'read'. I was at work so I wasn't too worried as I thought he'd reply when he could. So Sunday came and went.

Monday I was in the London office. I checked the whatsapp message status, and it still only said 'delivered'

Fast forward through a week of sending various messages through different media, and still nothing, so I was antsy to get my plane home. Yet to no avail. Being back in the same country made no difference, still my messages weren't being shown as 'read'. I was starting to lose hope.

A few days ago I saw that one of my whatsapp messages had been read - only one of them mind, the rest still only show as 'delivered'- and still no reply. Then without warning, his picture disappears. He's blocked me. I still have no idea why. A few days later, and I see we're suddenly no longer friends on Facebook (never has this seemed so significant before now), and all of a sudden enough is enough.

I'm wiping my hands clean and considering myself to be single again. Though it's still bugging me massively that I don't have an explanation as to what has happened.

More than ever, I wish I'd not bothered to worry, and just enjoyed my holiday in Greece, as now it feels like I wasted it, willing it to pass more quickly in the hope of seeing someone who I've obviously misjudged massively.

There's not really a way to finish this post, other than to say, I'm going to stop looking, and just have faith that eventually what I'm looking for will come and find me. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every aspect of my life the way it is to its fullest.

I have my friends, my family and some of the best work colleagues I could ever wish for. Right now, I don't need anything or anyone else.

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